I was sure my husband valued me only for sex. I knew I should be okay that he wanted me sexually—but for years, that was the only time he seemed to want me. I have some friends I consider close because they note when I am tired, happy, or preoccupied. They pay attention and comment on their observations about me. When you bother to pay attention to me and make an effort to encourage or support me in what you observe, I feel loved and valued. My belief that my husband wanted me only for sex grew out of the fact that it is only when he is planning to make a sexual advance that my husband pays close attention to me in a way that matters to me.

Just the thought of having sex makes your head hurt, and maybe your heart as well. Many women in difficult marriages lack a desire for sexual intimacy with their mates. When a wife receives her husband during intercourse, she is, in a sense, allowing herself to be invaded by him —not just physically, but on emotional and spiritual levels, as well. Wives who feel loved and secure can welcome this invasion as an opportunity to experience intense intimacy and pleasure with their husbands.

We welcome your thoughts. I love my husband, but when it comes to sex, he has been, and still is, a year-old boy. At first I was a willing participant, but after years of his moping, cajoling, screaming, and disrespect, I lost interest.

I think my husband has a low sex drive. He only wants to have sex once a week at most and sometimes we go two, three, or four weeks without sex because he isn't interested. I only ever have sex when he is in the mood, never when I have an interest or need. I've explained to him I have a higher sex drive and I would like to have sex more frequently, but those conversations haven't led to any changes. When I say I'm in the mood for sex, my husband immediately changes the subject or walks off, claiming that we need to go get dinner or do a random chore.